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He may not look it, but Olivier a.k.a. LOGAN is a big softie at heart. The gay-porn-star/macho-speedo-man look is all just a front... Click on the photo on the right for an album from 2004 in Japan.

He’s been telling me for the past month about a litter of baby lions that’s been born at Fuji Safari Park and how cute they are and how he wanted to go and have his photo taken with them! So on the weekend, we drove all the way to Shizuoka, south of Tokyo nestled under Mt Fuji first, thing in the morning to make sure we could get one of the 180 limited tickets to see the baby lion. We arrived at 8am, an hour before the park was due to open, but there were already about 50 cars ahead of us in the queue, everyone ready to sprint through the gates to pick up their ticket.

This was the first time I’d ever been to a safari park, so didn’t really know what to expect. It’s a bit like Jurassic Park, with two massive gates at the start which let the cars in, then close behind to let the front gate open and then you’re released into the wild! You can either drive your own car and risk getting humped by a rhino or take one of the buses, cunningly disguised as animals. With racism never been a contested issue in Japan, strictly no blacks are allowed in the park.

The weirdest animal they had on offer were Albino Kangaroos, like overgrown rats with longer arms than normal kangaroos so they could walk on all fours - very disturbing, especially as you could go in the cage with them.

The normal kangaroos were totally tame as well, with two putting on a live sex show for us. The kangaroo’s penis reminded me of when the alien comes out of the girl’s stomach in Alien, with a life of its own and totally dextrous like a giant finger. Humans have a long way to go in genital evolution.

Some ice-cream to cool him off afterwards..

The sweltering heat was getting too much for bald eagle Olivier so we released him from his cage and took him to see the baby lion.

If you ask me, sure, it was cute, but not something I’d queue for again voluntarily. However, Olivier looked like he was cradling the baby Jesus. And check out how happy the baby lion looks - Jesus only knows what Olivier's doing with his hands...

I, however, was happier with the afro dogs which seemed like a bit of an after-thought at a Safari Park, but anyway...

It wasn't quite the same just driving around taking photos out of the window, but I guess that’s the closest we can ever get to some animals.

That’s more than enough animals. Here’s a photo of the first series of Nissan Skyline GTR which we saw on the way home, and the 2008 version.

 

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